I am reliving the emotions as though it was just yesterday.

I still can't comprehend why. It's unacceptable on every level.

Recently, I'm getting sick of trying. Nothing seems to make sense. Not life, not me and not you.

I think I'm more afraid of the answers I'm going to get than the questions that constantly pop up in my mind. I don't know when I'm going to hear something I wouldn't expect again. I don't know if i'll ever be enough.

just how much of this is real. just how much of what you feel is solely for me. unnecessary as these doubts may be, they still find a way to cloud my vision occasionally. and i start to feel as though blood is gushing out of an old wound. 

somehow i feel as though that my life is forever in a mess. i can't seem to go forward and instead, i'm being pushed so far back into an abyss of no return. and right now, i have this urge to skin myself until i'm nothing.

The word, arrears, will never hold the same meaning to me as it did before. It will always be associated with that, and with that particular memory, a dull ache will always follow.

it still comes back to me at times. 

hello, i just ate 2pc mcwings, 6pc spicy mcnuggets and a big mac MEAL. I think i'm going to die. 

there's nothing therapeutic about drinking if it doesn't put you to sleep. maybe i should have drank more..maybe i should have knocked myself out..maybe maybe maybe...

am i good enough???
are you happy when you're with me???
what are you thinking of when you look at me???
am i doing the right thing/am i crossing the line????

so cautious, so many thoughts, so tired. i'm in desperate need of a good rest but i just can't seem to drift into sleep.

i'll be whatever you need me to be.